Apply Less Pressure Here

I'm pretty sure this has been one of the busiest/most eventful years of my life.  With all the blogging and sewing and playing music and homeschooling and just being a parent/friend/daughter/person in general, sometimes I feel like SuperWoman.  And sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind.  I had what felt like a mini-breakdown in August.  It was a hard month.  There were more things going on than I felt like I could handle, paired with some heart-breaking family news and some more family drama on the other side, and I just decided that something(s) had to change.  The question for me was: How do you give up one of your "things" when you are passionate about all of them?  And that was tough.

First, I assessed all the things that were keeping me busy night and day.  What was I willing to let go of?  I think this is the part where I'm supposed to tell you that I took a deep breath and eliminated some things from my life... except, I mostly didn't.  All of the "work" things that keep me busy, I love those things.  Oh, yeah... and they also help pay the bills.  For me, cutting out half of what was going on wasn't really an option.  So, what next?

Johnny and I did a lot of talking about how we could change some things around to make life a little less stressful.  As we planned and planned and redistributed responsibility, I realized that the thing that really needed to change was the amount of pressure I was applying to myself.

*You don't have anything to blog about today?  Well, now the world is ending and everyone is disappointed in you.*
*You fell asleep instead of answering those emails?  Well, now you've offended everyone waiting in that Inbox.*
*You didn't finish that project within your self-inflicted deadline?  Well, now everything else is going to suffer while you try to make up the time you've wasted.*

Anyway, you get the general idea.  I was placing so much pressure on myself, that I was feeling more than overwhelmed.  Like, only sleeping 3 or 4 hours a night, just so I could get all the work stuff done and still be a great mother and friend.  The SuperWoman feeling had left and I was just spent.  So, where do we go from here?

At some point I had a moment of clarity.  "This is stupid.  I have to love myself better and forgive myself more.  Or, even better: stop beating myself up all the time, and then there's no need for forgiveness."  So, here's what I've been focusing on:

*MORE SELF LOVE.
*Patting myself on the back for a job well done instead of focusing on what I didn't accomplish for the week.
*This one is hard for me, but saying no to friends when my week is feeling too heavy.  I can't always be everything for everyone and that's okay.
*Making sure I have time to decompress everyday.

I get a lot of comments asking how I "manage it all" and I hope this gives a little insight.  No one has it together all of the time.  Sometimes I "manage it all" pretty well (like a badass, really) and sometimes juggling is a joke and I drop all the balls I have in the air.  The thing is, when that happens you just pick them up and give it another go.  It's all gonna be okay.  xo.

Currently

(Saturday morning "donut day" and watching Fantastic Mr. Fox.)

Adjusting.  I haven't worked outside of our home since before the girls were born, so being gone 3 days a week has been a major adjustment for our family.  Honestly, there are both positives and negatives to it, but overall I think we are finally starting to get into a groove. 

Teaching.  We got a late start on home school this year because of our move, but we have finally started back up again.  I especially love the beginning of the home school year when all of the books that we've so carefully chosen start showing up on our porch.  There is so much excitement!  I'm planning another (windy) home school post soon.  We learn more and more of what works for us every year.

Creating.  As I mentioned above, working for A Beautiful Mess has taken some getting used to, but I am loving it.  I don't know if it's like this for everyone, but for me, the more I'm creating the more creative I become.  When I get home from the studio after a day of DIY, I'm pumped to make something on my own watch.  It's a great feeling.  :)

Appreciating.  My best friends just moved away and it's been a good reminder for me to just be thankful for the people I have in my life currently.  No, it's not like they're gone for good, but there has definitely been a little bit of heartache since they've made their trek to Colorado. (That darn state keeps stealing my friends away!)

Loving.  This crisp Fall air.  I can't wait to go to the farmer's market this week and stock up on mums.  Oh!  And plan our trip to the pumpkin patch!  Oh!  And pick apples at the orchard!  Okay, I love October SO much. 

Eating.  Donuts.  Too many.  It's my replacement for the ridiculous amount of ice cream I consumed this summer.  Have I mentioned that Johnny and Hope are a HORRIBLE influence on me???  ;)

(This post was originally inspired by that fab gal Dani Hampton.)

Exhaling.

I'm ending this bloggy week with a rambly post.  I think it's what I need right now.  My mind is circling and spinning with all of the things happening in my world right now, and I think exhaling is important (well, obviously in the literal sense).  So, let's chat.


The first thing I want to cover:  the shop update.  Geez, Louise... thank you guys SO MUCH for the warm response!  I know I don't do shop updates very often these days, but even now I get nervous about them!  I don't know if that will ever go away.  All of the items have sold and it blows my mind.  Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

Now, can we just talk about how good Mad Men is?  I'm so glad it's back.

I mentioned last week (in an outfit post, no less) a bad/stressful week, and though I feel like I pretty much fought through it like a champ, I wanted to revisit parts of it.  We've been having a terrible month for grandparents around these parts.  My great-grandmother passed away, one of Johnny's grandpas has been in the hospital and had to have his leg amputated, and his other grandpa is now said to have less than one month to live.  I know we're getting to the age where the grandparents start letting go (as sad as that is to say), but it doesn't make it any easier... and that's okay.

On a lighter note, I think everyone should have a bike.  I've been spending my evenings (and some afternoons) just going for a ride and clearing my mind, and it's one of my very favorite things.  As you can see from the picture above, we live (kind of) in the country right now, and the little roads are perfect for bike riding. 

Thanks for letting me ramble a bit.  I hope you all have an amazing weekend-- I really mean it.  Go outside or do something you don't normally get to do.  Or, just go hug your grandma.  Whatever you do, enjoy it.  xoxo Katie